I never go bowling. I just don’t. I think the last time I had gone bowling was last summer, and before that, it had been years. Even so, when my roommate wanted to go bowling this past Friday night I opted to go with because I was up for some fun that didn’t involve the bars (and subsequently didn’t involve males and females humping everyone within range of their genitals).
After playing one game with my roommate and a mutual male friend, another two male friends of my roommate showed up. As soon as these other two boys joined us, I could tell the game was suddenly turning into more of a competition. Mostly this competition seemed to be about how they threw the ball down the lane…? All I can say is they were kind of rocketing the bowling balls down the lane by kind of launching the ball from their hand. It was amusing, and surprisingly effective. I opted not to attempt such form, as I have little bird arms and probably would have launched my ball into another lane or behind me (which I have, in fact, done in the past).
It came to be my turn again. I got a couple pins, but barely. I turned around with my typical “gosh-darn-it-I-missed” face on, coupled with a big smile. I was just having fun and didn’t particularly care that I obviously was the worst bowler in our group.
As I picked up another ball for the second attempt, one of our new male companions felt compelled to say, “You bowl like such a girl.”
I was temporarily livid. A girl? How does a girl bowl, anyway? Was he implying that all girls bowl poorly? Did that mean that throwing the ball haphazardly was how you bowl “like a man?” I mean, I know I’m not good at it, but that’s mostly because I have no practice…NOT because I’m a girl. Or, perhaps he was just referring to the way I was throwing the bowling ball down the lane. Although I don’t see how that could be deemed strictly “girlish” in form…like I said, I sure wasn’t going to try it the way they were doing it. I didn’t come to try and kill someone by way of stray bowling ball.
Rather than speak my mind about what I thought of his sexist comment, I let this one go. But boy oh boy was it hard not to say anything. I was determined just to have a good time…but after that I admittedly tried to up my game. I really wanted to prove that my sex had no relation to my bowling average. Like I said, if anything lack of practice is to blame for that (I remember being pretty good as a kid…). I actually did get better, too. In our final game I bowled a (drum roll please)…66! A lot better compared to the 40- and 50-some points earned in our last two sets.
Afterward, I was still pretty peeved about that guy’s comment. So I began to wonder about biological determinism…the idea that our biology (i.e. our sex and gender) determines how we think and behave (i.e. whether or not we love the color pink). A lot of the sexist comments I encounter on a day-to-day basis stem from the belief that men and women are inherently different, and usually the comments about girls imply that they are inferior to men—that we can’t play sports as well as men, that we aren’t as smart as men, or the classic reasoning that all women are terrible drivers. As a feminist, I have learned to laugh over these comments and let them roll off my shoulders because, honestly, it’s pretty ridiculous to assume our sex has anything to do with how we drive…or bowl, in my case.
As far as comments such as the one I received Friday night, I focus my anger on the sexism--NOT on the people who make the comments. It is because so few women speak up and say something when a sexist comment is made that people continue saying or even believing in such statements. The point of speaking up over sexism and gender stereotypes is not to alienate or make someone feel bad, stupid or embarrassed. The point is to call attention to what is really being implied, and hopefully you can also get them to laugh over how truly silly it is to assume that gender affects the way I bowl or drive my car.
This time I didn’t speak up…although I probably should have. So, why speak up? Why pick miniature arguments over things most everyone just lets go? Because I like to think of it as small, brief acts of activism. Raising awareness of how women are constantly put down is important, and sometimes all it takes to get other men and women thinking about sexism is by pointing out that we are not confined to certain traits, characteristics, and behaviors just because we were born with different equipment down there.
After playing one game with my roommate and a mutual male friend, another two male friends of my roommate showed up. As soon as these other two boys joined us, I could tell the game was suddenly turning into more of a competition. Mostly this competition seemed to be about how they threw the ball down the lane…? All I can say is they were kind of rocketing the bowling balls down the lane by kind of launching the ball from their hand. It was amusing, and surprisingly effective. I opted not to attempt such form, as I have little bird arms and probably would have launched my ball into another lane or behind me (which I have, in fact, done in the past).
It came to be my turn again. I got a couple pins, but barely. I turned around with my typical “gosh-darn-it-I-missed” face on, coupled with a big smile. I was just having fun and didn’t particularly care that I obviously was the worst bowler in our group.
As I picked up another ball for the second attempt, one of our new male companions felt compelled to say, “You bowl like such a girl.”
I was temporarily livid. A girl? How does a girl bowl, anyway? Was he implying that all girls bowl poorly? Did that mean that throwing the ball haphazardly was how you bowl “like a man?” I mean, I know I’m not good at it, but that’s mostly because I have no practice…NOT because I’m a girl. Or, perhaps he was just referring to the way I was throwing the bowling ball down the lane. Although I don’t see how that could be deemed strictly “girlish” in form…like I said, I sure wasn’t going to try it the way they were doing it. I didn’t come to try and kill someone by way of stray bowling ball.
Rather than speak my mind about what I thought of his sexist comment, I let this one go. But boy oh boy was it hard not to say anything. I was determined just to have a good time…but after that I admittedly tried to up my game. I really wanted to prove that my sex had no relation to my bowling average. Like I said, if anything lack of practice is to blame for that (I remember being pretty good as a kid…). I actually did get better, too. In our final game I bowled a (drum roll please)…66! A lot better compared to the 40- and 50-some points earned in our last two sets.
Afterward, I was still pretty peeved about that guy’s comment. So I began to wonder about biological determinism…the idea that our biology (i.e. our sex and gender) determines how we think and behave (i.e. whether or not we love the color pink). A lot of the sexist comments I encounter on a day-to-day basis stem from the belief that men and women are inherently different, and usually the comments about girls imply that they are inferior to men—that we can’t play sports as well as men, that we aren’t as smart as men, or the classic reasoning that all women are terrible drivers. As a feminist, I have learned to laugh over these comments and let them roll off my shoulders because, honestly, it’s pretty ridiculous to assume our sex has anything to do with how we drive…or bowl, in my case.
As far as comments such as the one I received Friday night, I focus my anger on the sexism--NOT on the people who make the comments. It is because so few women speak up and say something when a sexist comment is made that people continue saying or even believing in such statements. The point of speaking up over sexism and gender stereotypes is not to alienate or make someone feel bad, stupid or embarrassed. The point is to call attention to what is really being implied, and hopefully you can also get them to laugh over how truly silly it is to assume that gender affects the way I bowl or drive my car.
This time I didn’t speak up…although I probably should have. So, why speak up? Why pick miniature arguments over things most everyone just lets go? Because I like to think of it as small, brief acts of activism. Raising awareness of how women are constantly put down is important, and sometimes all it takes to get other men and women thinking about sexism is by pointing out that we are not confined to certain traits, characteristics, and behaviors just because we were born with different equipment down there.
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