Not Yet a Mother, but Already an Aunt

I have two nephews. I will also have a niece (unless surprised otherwise) by the end of the summer. When I became an aunt for the first time almost 10 years ago I felt so happy and lucky and proud to be a part of a child's life. Now, even though I have no kids of my own, I play an important role in the lives of what will soon be three amazing children.

Being an aunt has changed me. Those long nights of babysitting my nephews when they were 5 and 7 have given me a real perspective on what it's like to have kids. I've gotten to experience all of the absolute joy that comes from reading them a bedtime story. I've also gotten to experience what it's like to have to unplug a TV from the wall to get them to go to bed and stop turning it on (although, obviously, they knew how to re-plug the darn thing in). I've gotten so many hugs and smiles, but also a fair amount of the cries of "I hate you, Auntie Erika!!" when it's time to go to bed. As an aunt, I also get to be the "cool" role model in their lives. I got to be the first person who had them watch Star Wars (they loved it), and I'm the one they want to have help them play a video game--although, over the past few years, it's become more likely that they'd be helping me.

I have been putting a fair amount of stock in my status as a "cool aunt" over the years, but I never noticed how little appreciation us aunts get from society--until now. Once again, the wonderful NPR brought a new book to my attention.

The book is "Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, And All Women Who Love Kids." In this book, author Melanie Notkin brings attention to the lifestyle of women who “don’t have children, but still love them.”


In the book, Notkin pays tribute to all the women of the world who can call themselves a "PANK": Professional Aunt, No Kids. This can mean that the woman is currently holding off on having kids of her own, or it can mean she never wants her own kid; but, just because a woman doesn't have kids, doesn't mean she can't love the bejeesus out of them at the same time. Whether it be biological nieces and nephews, or acting as an aunt to your best friend's kids, PANKs play an important role in children's lives.

After reading the excerpt from the book, I had one of those lightbulb moments. I realized that Notkin is making a very bold and important statement: that even without having kids of her own, a woman can still be motherly and love children--those women are the "cool aunts" or "savvy aunties," as Notkin would say, of the world.

As one such "cool aunt," I have nephews but I also have a lot of friends who just recently had children. I know I'm not ready for that phase in my own life, but I just love kids. So, I make an active effort to make sure all of those women in my life who are mothers know that they have my support. I want them to feel proud that they are moms, and by doing that I'm very proud of whatever small role I can play.

Although I'm not part of the Mom Club, I can relate to mothers because I've been an aunt. Even though I get to take breaks from the screaming fits and the constant play time, it doesn't mean I don't have to fill out some mom-like shoes sometimes. Like Notkin told NPR, being an aunt is about balancing between being the fun role-model and being a disciplinarian. Us aunts help to make sure the kids follow mom & dad's rules (and help them break said rules every once in a while...when appropriate), and we also are going to act as teachers to them throughout their lives.

I know I'm definitely picking this book up next time I'm at the bookstore, and I'll be sure to give a full review. Until then, take a look at the site created by Notkin for proud PANKS everywhere, savvyauntie.com.