Anger: i.e. You are angry. I am angry. We are angry.
A few people on campus are very angry right now. "okay...so why are they angry?"
A few feminists are very angry right now. What might the reaction to this be?..."Aren't all feminists angry?" (hahahaha, very funny)
My sad admission is that throughout this past week it had kind of seemed that way to me. Luckily, my favorite feminist professor along with my trusty band of fellow-student feminists reminded me tonight that feminism is my happy place. Breathe in, breathe out. Wax on, wax off. They are very wise women, and I am so very thankful to have them around.
Still, I am now trying to figure out how I feel about the results of when feminism & anger are combined. So, I would like to discuss the issue of anger and feminism and whether it can divide feminists, bring us together, or get misplaced in negative ways.
After those two opinion articles on feminism I wrote about in my last post, there are certainly quite a few feminists on campus who are VERY angry. Angry to the point of, well, perhaps harrassment of my current editor-in-chief. I would just like to say, he really is innocent in all of this. Mistakes get made. Yes, he is a man. No, he is not conspiring to silence the voices of the feminists on my campus.
Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it furthering stereotypes? More than anything, is it wrong to react with such anger?
I don't think it is wrong to be angry, and I certainly don't think feminists (simply by being feminists) should worry about showing their anger. However, being angry while being a feminist can put a girl in some hard-to-navigate territory.
What I always liked about feminism and feminists is that we talk about things, we open up discussion...which had been happening over these articles. At one point on our women's studies Facebook page someone suggested we start a feminist student org in response to the mysoginistic opinion article. Great! That is a fantastic solution which would further open up discussion about feminism.
But what I've also seen this week is a lot of misplaced anger. Many are blaming everyone involved on my campus paper (boycotting it) or are now sticking the finger to the man (my editor-in-chief) by writing email after email and stalking our office (this is mostly just one person). This is not productive.
I think it was good for people to get angry about what was said in our paper, and it was a good idea on everyone's part to write letters to the editor in response. That was so great to see. But, on the other hand, it is not helpful to suggest in an open forum that the editor-in-chief (who didn't write the article) is actively involved in a "feminist backlash."
By doing this--by ignoring our newspaper's attempts to apologize for said article--I think that is where anger starts to hurt the movement. Yes, we should get angry over issues and how feminism is misunderstood, but I don't believe we should direct anger at specific people, not even the writer necessarily, because that just feeds into the "angry feminist" stereotype and, in the end, it doesn't help teach others about what feminism is really about.
My big thing is that, in feminist theory, we always talk about how many people have false perceptions of feminism. Also, given how boys and girls are raised in this society, men often don't realize just how much more power and privilege they have in life compared to others (e.g. women). So, it makes sense to me that a male writing an opinion piece on feminism would get it wrong, not cite any facts/data, and assume he has it right. Is this frustrating? Oh heck yes, but instead of just directing all kinds of anger his way I try to sit and talk about it. I have encouraged him multiple times to look at feminist writers or have mentioned the benefits feminism would have for men.
I have always been a pacifist, so I admit that I am biased against anger as a reaction. That's just how I am. However, anger to the degree I have seen this week is not only going to keep people from actually changing their perceptions of feminists--it could very well drive some feminists away. I certainly have felt alienated and hurt and frustrated over this catastrophe all week, and I don't want to be a part of something that comes off as hateful and exclusionary. Like I said before, though, I'm lucky enough to have a great group of fellow feminists within the department to turn to, and they most certainly embody the kind, loving, intelligent/wise aspects of feminism that will always draw me to it.
On another note, I wanted to brush off all of this anger and frustration. So, I picked up a copy of "Bossypants," Tina Fey's new book. It already has me laughing, and hopefully I can finish it quickly (before I get too bogged down in finals) to post a snazzy review!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Anger Sharks: Why Is Feminism Misunderstood?
"Males as a group have and do benefit the most from patriarchy, from the assumption that they are superior to females and should rule over us. But those benefits have come with a price. In return for all the goodies men receive from patriarchy, they are required to dominate women, to exploit and oppress us, using violence if they must to keep patriarchy intact. Most men find it difficult to be patriarchs. Most men are disturbed by hatred and fear of women, by male violence against women, even the men who perpetuate this violence. But they fear letting go of the benefits. They are not certain what will happen to the world they know most intimately if patriarchy changes. So they find it easier to passively support male domination even when they know in their minds and hearts that it is wrong. Again and again men tell me they have no idea what it is feminists want. I believe them. I believe in their capacity to change and grow. And I believe that if they knew more about feminism they would no longer fear it, for they would find in feminist movement the hope of their own release from the bondage of patriarchy." -bell hooks, "Feminism is for Everybody"
The anger sharks have been swimming around my brain since last Monday. Why? Because of two opinion articles in my campus newspaper (which I will be a co-Editor in Chief of next year), both written by men and both about feminism. Sufficed to say, these articles contained no real facts about feminism today...sending my beloved women's and gender studies department on campus into a full-on uproar. They are livid, and I feel guilty for not having snatched away these boys' keyboards. The one upside, though, is it turns out this may actually be a good thing. We received plenty of letters to the editor about the article, thus putting some truth about feminism out into the print world.
However, it pushes me to ask a crucial question: Why do so many people, men especially, misunderstand feminism and feminists?
Judging from what those two wrote, it's easy to see that the movement is still defined by the things which defined it in the 60s and 70s--workplace equality, namely. Somehow, though, "workplace equality" got translated over the years to mean "eliminate the men" to a lot of guys (and women). Do people know what "equality" actually means? Sometimes I worry.
Fact: Even radical feminist theory does not aim to eliminate or "exterminate" men; it suggests instead that women create woman-only spaces in which they can feel safe and free from patriarchal oppression.
Another fact: When a movement aims for complete equality regardless of race, class, gender or sexuality, it tries to accomplish a state of being equal in status, rights, and opportunities. Feminism is one such movement.
It is difficult for me to understand how some people have managed to convince others that feminism is NOT about equality. Then again, maybe it's not so hard to figure out. After all, strong women who push themselves and excell in their chosen fields are constantly met with resistance, such as being labeled a "bitch" or a "butch" or just plain "cold." As soon as ambitious women began to appear in workplaces, the accusations of these women wanting to be better than their male counterparts also began to appear.
But, honestly, a few motivated women amongst a sea of competitive and ambitious men should not scream "women are trying to take over the world" to anyone.
The anger sharks have been swimming around my brain since last Monday. Why? Because of two opinion articles in my campus newspaper (which I will be a co-Editor in Chief of next year), both written by men and both about feminism. Sufficed to say, these articles contained no real facts about feminism today...sending my beloved women's and gender studies department on campus into a full-on uproar. They are livid, and I feel guilty for not having snatched away these boys' keyboards. The one upside, though, is it turns out this may actually be a good thing. We received plenty of letters to the editor about the article, thus putting some truth about feminism out into the print world.
However, it pushes me to ask a crucial question: Why do so many people, men especially, misunderstand feminism and feminists?
Judging from what those two wrote, it's easy to see that the movement is still defined by the things which defined it in the 60s and 70s--workplace equality, namely. Somehow, though, "workplace equality" got translated over the years to mean "eliminate the men" to a lot of guys (and women). Do people know what "equality" actually means? Sometimes I worry.
Fact: Even radical feminist theory does not aim to eliminate or "exterminate" men; it suggests instead that women create woman-only spaces in which they can feel safe and free from patriarchal oppression.
Another fact: When a movement aims for complete equality regardless of race, class, gender or sexuality, it tries to accomplish a state of being equal in status, rights, and opportunities. Feminism is one such movement.
It is difficult for me to understand how some people have managed to convince others that feminism is NOT about equality. Then again, maybe it's not so hard to figure out. After all, strong women who push themselves and excell in their chosen fields are constantly met with resistance, such as being labeled a "bitch" or a "butch" or just plain "cold." As soon as ambitious women began to appear in workplaces, the accusations of these women wanting to be better than their male counterparts also began to appear.
But, honestly, a few motivated women amongst a sea of competitive and ambitious men should not scream "women are trying to take over the world" to anyone.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Deviant Mother Incites a Media Frenzy: Is it OK to paint your son's toenails pink?
By now most of you are familiar with the recent J. Crew ad featuring designer Jenna Lyons painting the toenails of her 5-year-old son, Beckett, with neon pink polish.
For a little over a week political pundits, parents and psychologists alike have hotly debated whether or not it is OK for boys to wear pink. According to Dr. Keith Ablow, psychologist and Fox News contributor, it is most certainly NOT OK.
"Yeah, well, it may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid—and maybe a little for others who’ll be affected by your 'innocent' pleasure," Ablow said in his article on Fox Health.
Ablow also went on to argue that allowing boys to "playact like little girls" is as unwise as "to dress little girls like miniature adults (in halter tops and shorts emblazoned with PINK across the bottoms)."
Yet, why does he argue for the strict curtailing of gender exploration by boys while mentioning the need to keep girls innocent, rather than point out an equal need to keep girls from experimenting with masculine identities or activities? If he is going to argue that the color pink somehow makes this little boy "transgender" (which yes, he did allude to), then he might as well argue that liking the color blue does the same to little girls. Sexualization is a big issue with raising young girls, this is true, but is it comparable to boys experimenting with pink toenail polish? No. Also, if you're going to argue for keeping little girls innocent, why not argue the same for the boys? Do we ever hear people like Dr. Ablow point out how sexualizing little girls also has an affect on the little boys and how they perceive those same girls? What about the increase in aggression among young boys and men? Do we decry that on the same level? No. In fact, Ablow seems to think that aggression should be praised, stating, "I wonder what Jenna would think if her son wanted to celebrate his masculinity with a little playacting as a cowboy, with a gun? Would that bring the same smile of joy and pure love that we see on her face in the J. Crew advertisement? Or would that be where she might draw the line?"
Oh, so playing with a gun is somehow better than the color pink if you're a boy...yeah, that sounds like a great thing to encourage.
What I've noticed this past week, after browsing several sites, is that there has been little said on those double-standards male and female children are held to. It is much more acceptable for a little girl to explore "masculine" identities--playing with trucks, tools and action figures--than it is for young boys to explore "feminine" identities by playing dress up or wearing the color pink.
Yet from the looks of things, many parents of young boys have witnessed their children engaging in definitively "female" play, such as caring for a doll or dressing up as their favorite Disney princess.
For instance, on the Parenting.com article that weighed in on the issue, commentor Natalie P. had the following to say:
"I have a 4 year old son with my partner. We are a loving family, where the parents happen to be 2 lesbian mothers. He is surrounded by girls most of the time...he and my niece are obsessed with Cinderella right now. they like to wear dresses and BE Cinderella. I have absolutely no problem with it. Before Cinderella, they were obsessed with cars and wore Lightning Mcqueen baseball hats. Both of them. No one ever tells a girl that she cant like cars but they do tell a boy that he cant like dresses..."
I personally see nothing wrong with this ad, and even consider the mother-son time pictured to be incredibly healthy and beneficial to young Beckett and mother Jenna's relationship. When boys are taught that pink is actually an OK color and not something to run screaming from, they learn not to fear the things considered "feminine" and thus will be more free in determining their likes and interests in the future. Not to mention, boys who are OK with the girlie stuff will likely relate to girls better down the road--and the opposite is true for girls, as well.
Dr. Susan Bartell appeared on the CBS Early Show to talk about the ad and the attacks on Lyon's parenting choices.
“[Our kids] gender is going to emerge naturally as part of who they are and has nothing to do with whether we put pink nail polish on them,” Bartell said.
I would like to point out that pink, historically, had been the designated baby color for boys, while blue was for girls, up until the 20th century. This fact alone is proof that the color you wear in your formative years has little to no impact on your gender. If that were the case and Dr. Ablow was correct in his assumptions, then today's society would be chock full of transgendered men and women, as opposed to the roughly 1 percent of the population who currently identify themselves as such.
And why shouldn't boys like pink? It's bright and vibrant, full of life and vigor. Pink makes a statement. Yet today everything from toys to clothing to toaster ovens get drenched in pink and are marketed exclusively toward girls. Walk through any store past the toy aisles and you may begin to wonder if girls are aware that other colors exist.
The strict assigning of gender roles is apparent, and more and more often any deviation of children from gender norms will either be put in check by a parent, by a peer, or in this case by the media.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Frisky Friday
Truth be told, this has been a stressful week. A week of worrying about what to write for this blog, what to write about for my advanced reporting class, and what to write for my research paper on adoption law. Amidst all this stress, my mind, for no reasonable explanation at all, has been fixated on one thing: sex.
Yes, I have to admit that I may be shamelessly engaging in sexual acts with my boyfriend as a means of escapism (and stress relief), but I also admit that it led me to some very interesting things.
Namely, it has led me to ponder attraction, sexiness, the act itself and how feminism has perhaps changed my ideas regarding sex and sexuality. Usually I wouldn't just out and admit that I've had sex on the brain, but in relation to feminism it is too good a topic to let fall to the wayside.
As a result of things, I ended up Googling the words "sexy" and "feminist"...and lo and behold Google answered my prayers by returning the result of sexyfeminist.com, a "no-guilt guide to being a modern feminist."
A lot of people don't exactly think "sexy" when they hear the word "feminist." Usually they think the opposite. But honestly, who wouldn't find these traits sexy? :
intelligence, confindence, passion, curiosity, being outspoken? As a young, modern feminist, I find that more and more aspects of the movement focus on how feminism doesn't necessarily mean sexing yourself down.
In feminist circles, sex is a tricky topic...well, it's a tricky topic in general.
On the one hand, there are feminists who see sex as a power play--a struggle between dominance and submission in which the female is most often put in the submissive role. On the other hand, there are feminists who embrace the sexual freedoms we are granted today, which are fairly new to us women. It really wasn't until the 60s-70s (the 2nd wave) that women began to fight for their right to enjoy sex and to want pleasure for themselves, rather than just dishing it out to the men. Both these types of feminists own their sexuality (whether they be straight or gay) by learning about their bodies and what they want and how they get pleasure.
Is one better than the other? Not at all. And many people fall in between these two schools of thought.
So, my point ladies, is that with feminism you can express your sexual nature as freely as you wish, or you can be as carful with it as you wish. I find that I exercise both at various times: If a guy seems to be bossing me around, wanting "x" done to him, it usually results in me turning "x" down--i'm not a plaything or your sex-robot. However, feminism usually makes me feel sexy and confident, and that makes it all the more fun. Even better is that, when I do have sex, I know it's because me and my boyfriend are mutually engaging in the "deed" together.
Sex should be fun and uplifting, and I am a huge advocate for sex education playing a big role in this. A major aspect of sex, love and attraction is being educated about these things, and I for one have a serious debt to pay to Planned Parenthood for all the wonderful services and help they provide. I was so happy to learn today that the U.S. Senate voted not to cut federal funding to Planned Parenthood. Ah, sweet victory.
It was at sexyfeminist.com that I found the following video, which I found particularly appropriate with this win in the Senate.
Along those lines, I have got to urge everyone to check out bedsider.org. It is still in it's beta version, but this site is chalk full of not only birth control help/info (text alerts for when to take your next pill? Genius), but it also has "Frisky Fridays"--which I pay homage to in the title of this blog entry. It's a column akin to the feminist version of cosmo how-to's; but, these how-to's teach girls more about how to love themselves in addition to loving another.
So there it is. I have sex. What I've found with feminism is that I not only have sex, I enjoy it far more.
Yes, I have to admit that I may be shamelessly engaging in sexual acts with my boyfriend as a means of escapism (and stress relief), but I also admit that it led me to some very interesting things.
Namely, it has led me to ponder attraction, sexiness, the act itself and how feminism has perhaps changed my ideas regarding sex and sexuality. Usually I wouldn't just out and admit that I've had sex on the brain, but in relation to feminism it is too good a topic to let fall to the wayside.
As a result of things, I ended up Googling the words "sexy" and "feminist"...and lo and behold Google answered my prayers by returning the result of sexyfeminist.com, a "no-guilt guide to being a modern feminist."
A lot of people don't exactly think "sexy" when they hear the word "feminist." Usually they think the opposite. But honestly, who wouldn't find these traits sexy? :
intelligence, confindence, passion, curiosity, being outspoken? As a young, modern feminist, I find that more and more aspects of the movement focus on how feminism doesn't necessarily mean sexing yourself down.
In feminist circles, sex is a tricky topic...well, it's a tricky topic in general.
On the one hand, there are feminists who see sex as a power play--a struggle between dominance and submission in which the female is most often put in the submissive role. On the other hand, there are feminists who embrace the sexual freedoms we are granted today, which are fairly new to us women. It really wasn't until the 60s-70s (the 2nd wave) that women began to fight for their right to enjoy sex and to want pleasure for themselves, rather than just dishing it out to the men. Both these types of feminists own their sexuality (whether they be straight or gay) by learning about their bodies and what they want and how they get pleasure.
Is one better than the other? Not at all. And many people fall in between these two schools of thought.
So, my point ladies, is that with feminism you can express your sexual nature as freely as you wish, or you can be as carful with it as you wish. I find that I exercise both at various times: If a guy seems to be bossing me around, wanting "x" done to him, it usually results in me turning "x" down--i'm not a plaything or your sex-robot. However, feminism usually makes me feel sexy and confident, and that makes it all the more fun. Even better is that, when I do have sex, I know it's because me and my boyfriend are mutually engaging in the "deed" together.
Sex should be fun and uplifting, and I am a huge advocate for sex education playing a big role in this. A major aspect of sex, love and attraction is being educated about these things, and I for one have a serious debt to pay to Planned Parenthood for all the wonderful services and help they provide. I was so happy to learn today that the U.S. Senate voted not to cut federal funding to Planned Parenthood. Ah, sweet victory.
It was at sexyfeminist.com that I found the following video, which I found particularly appropriate with this win in the Senate.
Along those lines, I have got to urge everyone to check out bedsider.org. It is still in it's beta version, but this site is chalk full of not only birth control help/info (text alerts for when to take your next pill? Genius), but it also has "Frisky Fridays"--which I pay homage to in the title of this blog entry. It's a column akin to the feminist version of cosmo how-to's; but, these how-to's teach girls more about how to love themselves in addition to loving another.
So there it is. I have sex. What I've found with feminism is that I not only have sex, I enjoy it far more.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Biological Determinism and Bowling
I never go bowling. I just don’t. I think the last time I had gone bowling was last summer, and before that, it had been years. Even so, when my roommate wanted to go bowling this past Friday night I opted to go with because I was up for some fun that didn’t involve the bars (and subsequently didn’t involve males and females humping everyone within range of their genitals).
After playing one game with my roommate and a mutual male friend, another two male friends of my roommate showed up. As soon as these other two boys joined us, I could tell the game was suddenly turning into more of a competition. Mostly this competition seemed to be about how they threw the ball down the lane…? All I can say is they were kind of rocketing the bowling balls down the lane by kind of launching the ball from their hand. It was amusing, and surprisingly effective. I opted not to attempt such form, as I have little bird arms and probably would have launched my ball into another lane or behind me (which I have, in fact, done in the past).
It came to be my turn again. I got a couple pins, but barely. I turned around with my typical “gosh-darn-it-I-missed” face on, coupled with a big smile. I was just having fun and didn’t particularly care that I obviously was the worst bowler in our group.
As I picked up another ball for the second attempt, one of our new male companions felt compelled to say, “You bowl like such a girl.”
I was temporarily livid. A girl? How does a girl bowl, anyway? Was he implying that all girls bowl poorly? Did that mean that throwing the ball haphazardly was how you bowl “like a man?” I mean, I know I’m not good at it, but that’s mostly because I have no practice…NOT because I’m a girl. Or, perhaps he was just referring to the way I was throwing the bowling ball down the lane. Although I don’t see how that could be deemed strictly “girlish” in form…like I said, I sure wasn’t going to try it the way they were doing it. I didn’t come to try and kill someone by way of stray bowling ball.
Rather than speak my mind about what I thought of his sexist comment, I let this one go. But boy oh boy was it hard not to say anything. I was determined just to have a good time…but after that I admittedly tried to up my game. I really wanted to prove that my sex had no relation to my bowling average. Like I said, if anything lack of practice is to blame for that (I remember being pretty good as a kid…). I actually did get better, too. In our final game I bowled a (drum roll please)…66! A lot better compared to the 40- and 50-some points earned in our last two sets.
Afterward, I was still pretty peeved about that guy’s comment. So I began to wonder about biological determinism…the idea that our biology (i.e. our sex and gender) determines how we think and behave (i.e. whether or not we love the color pink). A lot of the sexist comments I encounter on a day-to-day basis stem from the belief that men and women are inherently different, and usually the comments about girls imply that they are inferior to men—that we can’t play sports as well as men, that we aren’t as smart as men, or the classic reasoning that all women are terrible drivers. As a feminist, I have learned to laugh over these comments and let them roll off my shoulders because, honestly, it’s pretty ridiculous to assume our sex has anything to do with how we drive…or bowl, in my case.
As far as comments such as the one I received Friday night, I focus my anger on the sexism--NOT on the people who make the comments. It is because so few women speak up and say something when a sexist comment is made that people continue saying or even believing in such statements. The point of speaking up over sexism and gender stereotypes is not to alienate or make someone feel bad, stupid or embarrassed. The point is to call attention to what is really being implied, and hopefully you can also get them to laugh over how truly silly it is to assume that gender affects the way I bowl or drive my car.
This time I didn’t speak up…although I probably should have. So, why speak up? Why pick miniature arguments over things most everyone just lets go? Because I like to think of it as small, brief acts of activism. Raising awareness of how women are constantly put down is important, and sometimes all it takes to get other men and women thinking about sexism is by pointing out that we are not confined to certain traits, characteristics, and behaviors just because we were born with different equipment down there.
After playing one game with my roommate and a mutual male friend, another two male friends of my roommate showed up. As soon as these other two boys joined us, I could tell the game was suddenly turning into more of a competition. Mostly this competition seemed to be about how they threw the ball down the lane…? All I can say is they were kind of rocketing the bowling balls down the lane by kind of launching the ball from their hand. It was amusing, and surprisingly effective. I opted not to attempt such form, as I have little bird arms and probably would have launched my ball into another lane or behind me (which I have, in fact, done in the past).
It came to be my turn again. I got a couple pins, but barely. I turned around with my typical “gosh-darn-it-I-missed” face on, coupled with a big smile. I was just having fun and didn’t particularly care that I obviously was the worst bowler in our group.
As I picked up another ball for the second attempt, one of our new male companions felt compelled to say, “You bowl like such a girl.”
I was temporarily livid. A girl? How does a girl bowl, anyway? Was he implying that all girls bowl poorly? Did that mean that throwing the ball haphazardly was how you bowl “like a man?” I mean, I know I’m not good at it, but that’s mostly because I have no practice…NOT because I’m a girl. Or, perhaps he was just referring to the way I was throwing the bowling ball down the lane. Although I don’t see how that could be deemed strictly “girlish” in form…like I said, I sure wasn’t going to try it the way they were doing it. I didn’t come to try and kill someone by way of stray bowling ball.
Rather than speak my mind about what I thought of his sexist comment, I let this one go. But boy oh boy was it hard not to say anything. I was determined just to have a good time…but after that I admittedly tried to up my game. I really wanted to prove that my sex had no relation to my bowling average. Like I said, if anything lack of practice is to blame for that (I remember being pretty good as a kid…). I actually did get better, too. In our final game I bowled a (drum roll please)…66! A lot better compared to the 40- and 50-some points earned in our last two sets.
Afterward, I was still pretty peeved about that guy’s comment. So I began to wonder about biological determinism…the idea that our biology (i.e. our sex and gender) determines how we think and behave (i.e. whether or not we love the color pink). A lot of the sexist comments I encounter on a day-to-day basis stem from the belief that men and women are inherently different, and usually the comments about girls imply that they are inferior to men—that we can’t play sports as well as men, that we aren’t as smart as men, or the classic reasoning that all women are terrible drivers. As a feminist, I have learned to laugh over these comments and let them roll off my shoulders because, honestly, it’s pretty ridiculous to assume our sex has anything to do with how we drive…or bowl, in my case.
As far as comments such as the one I received Friday night, I focus my anger on the sexism--NOT on the people who make the comments. It is because so few women speak up and say something when a sexist comment is made that people continue saying or even believing in such statements. The point of speaking up over sexism and gender stereotypes is not to alienate or make someone feel bad, stupid or embarrassed. The point is to call attention to what is really being implied, and hopefully you can also get them to laugh over how truly silly it is to assume that gender affects the way I bowl or drive my car.
This time I didn’t speak up…although I probably should have. So, why speak up? Why pick miniature arguments over things most everyone just lets go? Because I like to think of it as small, brief acts of activism. Raising awareness of how women are constantly put down is important, and sometimes all it takes to get other men and women thinking about sexism is by pointing out that we are not confined to certain traits, characteristics, and behaviors just because we were born with different equipment down there.
Friday, April 1, 2011
How I Learned to Speak My Mind
The moment it ‘clicked’: when I knew I was a feminist
Seeing as I just finished the book “Click: When We Knew We Were Feminists,” I figured the best way to start this blog would be to write about my own moment when it just… “Clicked.”
I grew up with a lot of strong women in my life. In my family, especially on my mother’s side, women were outspoken, strong, beautiful, passionate, educated, and at times bordered on controlling. They pushed me to do well in school and instilled in me a passion for reading. You may think this would have fostered a strong affinity with feminism, but in fact it did just the opposite as I was growing up.
For much of my life, up until a few years into high school, I didn’t want to live up to all the expectations everyone had for me—I knew I was smart, but kept feeling like being smart meant I would always have to succeed…at everything. So, although I kept doing well in school, my ultimate goal became to fall in love and live happily ever after. I see now that I was trying to take “the easy way out”. I knew that, as a girl growing up in the 90s and now in the 21st century, I had vast opportunities and options. But, I was afraid. I was afraid of not being good enough, and of not being able to compete with the boys and men of the world. Daydreaming was my forte, and in my dreams I did want more…but in reality I simply wanted to get by and fit in with all those girls who just didn’t understand me.
It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I started to question things. I had been going to a Christian youth group with my best friend for the past two years, and during that time we started to notice that girls and boys were not exactly treated as equals. For instance, girls were banned from wearing bikinis during our weekend hotel youth conferences, because the pastors and their wives said we would be tempting the boys and ‘making them think impure thoughts.’ Also, my guy friends were huge hypocrites—they would nag about abstinence to us but then they went ahead and had sex, and if we swore even once they would say it wasn’t “lady like.” My friend and I had the last straw when her older sister decided to get married when she was just 18 years old, claiming it was “what God wanted.” So we began to wonder, what about what we wanted? So what if I swore or wanted to wear a bikini or speak my mind instead of going along with what I was told? That’s when the light bulb went off, and although I didn’t suddenly identify with feminism, that’s when I began owning who I was. I had always been quiet out of fear of not being “feminine” enough if I got angry or spoke my mind…I had wanted boys to pay attention to me and had been more concerned about what others thought of me than of what I thought of myself.
So I became outspoken and I swore when I wanted to. I ditched the innocent look in favor of black clothing with bright accessories. I was a little too sacrilegious for those last two years of high school, and I went a little wild. I began to experience life the way I had always wanted to—with passion and laughter and learning and hope. And you know what? I made friends. I got along with other girls better than I ever had, because I ditched the jealousy in favor of liking myself.
As I grew from this little rebellion against the system, I eventually found my way into an Intro to Women’s and Gender Studies course when I got to college. It taught me those things that you always know in the back of your mind, but you just don’t realize their truth until someone says them out loud.
My feminist identity was solidified when I took Feminist Theory, with an amazing professor and some of the most interesting and intelligent women I’ve ever met. We talked, we shared stories, and I think we all fell in love with the movement.
The thing I love most about feminism is learning to question the way things are, and to never accept being treated differently based on gender (and also based on class, race, creed, or political beliefs). It has taught me stop punishing myself for not being “good enough,” because now I know that I am. With feminism I feel beautiful because of my mind, my compassion, my interests, and my sarcasm.
Seeing as I just finished the book “Click: When We Knew We Were Feminists,” I figured the best way to start this blog would be to write about my own moment when it just… “Clicked.”
I grew up with a lot of strong women in my life. In my family, especially on my mother’s side, women were outspoken, strong, beautiful, passionate, educated, and at times bordered on controlling. They pushed me to do well in school and instilled in me a passion for reading. You may think this would have fostered a strong affinity with feminism, but in fact it did just the opposite as I was growing up.
For much of my life, up until a few years into high school, I didn’t want to live up to all the expectations everyone had for me—I knew I was smart, but kept feeling like being smart meant I would always have to succeed…at everything. So, although I kept doing well in school, my ultimate goal became to fall in love and live happily ever after. I see now that I was trying to take “the easy way out”. I knew that, as a girl growing up in the 90s and now in the 21st century, I had vast opportunities and options. But, I was afraid. I was afraid of not being good enough, and of not being able to compete with the boys and men of the world. Daydreaming was my forte, and in my dreams I did want more…but in reality I simply wanted to get by and fit in with all those girls who just didn’t understand me.
It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I started to question things. I had been going to a Christian youth group with my best friend for the past two years, and during that time we started to notice that girls and boys were not exactly treated as equals. For instance, girls were banned from wearing bikinis during our weekend hotel youth conferences, because the pastors and their wives said we would be tempting the boys and ‘making them think impure thoughts.’ Also, my guy friends were huge hypocrites—they would nag about abstinence to us but then they went ahead and had sex, and if we swore even once they would say it wasn’t “lady like.” My friend and I had the last straw when her older sister decided to get married when she was just 18 years old, claiming it was “what God wanted.” So we began to wonder, what about what we wanted? So what if I swore or wanted to wear a bikini or speak my mind instead of going along with what I was told? That’s when the light bulb went off, and although I didn’t suddenly identify with feminism, that’s when I began owning who I was. I had always been quiet out of fear of not being “feminine” enough if I got angry or spoke my mind…I had wanted boys to pay attention to me and had been more concerned about what others thought of me than of what I thought of myself.
So I became outspoken and I swore when I wanted to. I ditched the innocent look in favor of black clothing with bright accessories. I was a little too sacrilegious for those last two years of high school, and I went a little wild. I began to experience life the way I had always wanted to—with passion and laughter and learning and hope. And you know what? I made friends. I got along with other girls better than I ever had, because I ditched the jealousy in favor of liking myself.
As I grew from this little rebellion against the system, I eventually found my way into an Intro to Women’s and Gender Studies course when I got to college. It taught me those things that you always know in the back of your mind, but you just don’t realize their truth until someone says them out loud.
My feminist identity was solidified when I took Feminist Theory, with an amazing professor and some of the most interesting and intelligent women I’ve ever met. We talked, we shared stories, and I think we all fell in love with the movement.
The thing I love most about feminism is learning to question the way things are, and to never accept being treated differently based on gender (and also based on class, race, creed, or political beliefs). It has taught me stop punishing myself for not being “good enough,” because now I know that I am. With feminism I feel beautiful because of my mind, my compassion, my interests, and my sarcasm.
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