"The Feminist Backlash"

Anger: i.e. You are angry. I am angry. We are angry.

A few people on campus are very angry right now. "okay...so why are they angry?"

A few feminists are very angry right now. What might the reaction to this be?..."Aren't all feminists angry?" (hahahaha, very funny)

My sad admission is that throughout this past week it had kind of seemed that way to me. Luckily, my favorite feminist professor along with my trusty band of fellow-student feminists reminded me tonight that feminism is my happy place. Breathe in, breathe out. Wax on, wax off. They are very wise women, and I am so very thankful to have them around.

Still, I am now trying to figure out how I feel about the results of when feminism & anger are combined. So, I would like to discuss the issue of anger and feminism and whether it can divide feminists, bring us together, or get misplaced in negative ways.

After those two opinion articles on feminism I wrote about in my last post, there are certainly quite a few feminists on campus who are VERY angry. Angry to the point of, well, perhaps harrassment of my current editor-in-chief. I would just like to say, he really is innocent in all of this. Mistakes get made. Yes, he is a man. No, he is not conspiring to silence the voices of the feminists on my campus.

Is it necessary? Is it helpful? Is it furthering stereotypes? More than anything, is it wrong to react with such anger?

I don't think it is wrong to be angry, and I certainly don't think feminists (simply by being feminists) should worry about showing their anger. However, being angry while being a feminist can put a girl in some hard-to-navigate territory.

What I always liked about feminism and feminists is that we talk about things, we open up discussion...which had been happening over these articles. At one point on our women's studies Facebook page someone suggested we start a feminist student org in response to the mysoginistic opinion article. Great! That is a fantastic solution which would further open up discussion about feminism.

But what I've also seen this week is a lot of misplaced anger. Many are blaming everyone involved on my campus paper (boycotting it) or are now sticking the finger to the man (my editor-in-chief) by writing email after email and stalking our office (this is mostly just one person). This is not productive.

I think it was good for people to get angry about what was said in our paper, and it was a good idea on everyone's part to write letters to the editor in response. That was so great to see. But, on the other hand, it is not helpful to suggest in an open forum that the editor-in-chief (who didn't write the article) is actively involved in a "feminist backlash."

By doing this--by ignoring our newspaper's attempts to apologize for said article--I think that is where anger starts to hurt the movement. Yes, we should get angry over issues and how feminism is misunderstood, but I don't believe we should direct anger at specific people, not even the writer necessarily, because that just feeds into the "angry feminist" stereotype and, in the end, it doesn't help teach others about what feminism is really about.

My big thing is that, in feminist theory, we always talk about how many people have false perceptions of feminism. Also, given how boys and girls are raised in this society, men often don't realize just how much more power and privilege they have in life compared to others (e.g. women). So, it makes sense to me that a male writing an opinion piece on feminism would get it wrong, not cite any facts/data, and assume he has it right. Is this frustrating? Oh heck yes, but instead of just directing all kinds of anger his way I try to sit and talk about it. I have encouraged him multiple times to look at feminist writers or have mentioned the benefits feminism would have for men.

I have always been a pacifist, so I admit that I am biased against anger as a reaction. That's just how I am. However, anger to the degree I have seen this week is not only going to keep people from actually changing their perceptions of feminists--it could very well drive some feminists away. I certainly have felt alienated and hurt and frustrated over this catastrophe all week, and I don't want to be a part of something that comes off as hateful and exclusionary. Like I said before, though, I'm lucky enough to have a great group of fellow feminists within the department to turn to, and they most certainly embody the kind, loving, intelligent/wise aspects of feminism that will always draw me to it.


On another note, I wanted to brush off all of this anger and frustration. So, I picked up a copy of "Bossypants," Tina Fey's new book. It already has me laughing, and hopefully I can finish it quickly (before I get too bogged down in finals) to post a snazzy review!

Frisky Friday

Truth be told, this has been a stressful week. A week of worrying about what to write for this blog, what to write about for my advanced reporting class, and what to write for my research paper on adoption law. Amidst all this stress, my mind, for no reasonable explanation at all, has been fixated on one thing: sex.

Yes, I have to admit that I may be shamelessly engaging in sexual acts with my boyfriend as a means of escapism (and stress relief), but I also admit that it led me to some very interesting things.
Namely, it has led me to ponder attraction, sexiness, the act itself and how feminism has perhaps changed my ideas regarding sex and sexuality. Usually I wouldn't just out and admit that I've had sex on the brain, but in relation to feminism it is too good a topic to let fall to the wayside.

As a result of things, I ended up Googling the words "sexy" and "feminist"...and lo and behold Google answered my prayers by returning the result of sexyfeminist.com, a "no-guilt guide to being a modern feminist."

A lot of people don't exactly think "sexy" when they hear the word "feminist." Usually they think the opposite. But honestly, who wouldn't find these traits sexy? :
intelligence, confindence, passion, curiosity, being outspoken? As a young, modern feminist, I find that more and more aspects of the movement focus on how feminism doesn't necessarily mean sexing yourself down.

In feminist circles, sex is a tricky topic...well, it's a tricky topic in general.
On the one hand, there are feminists who see sex as a power play--a struggle between dominance and submission in which the female is most often put in the submissive role. On the other hand, there are feminists who embrace the sexual freedoms we are granted today, which are fairly new to us women. It really wasn't until the 60s-70s (the 2nd wave) that women began to fight for their right to enjoy sex and to want pleasure for themselves, rather than just dishing it out to the men. Both these types of feminists own their sexuality (whether they be straight or gay) by learning about their bodies and what they want and how they get pleasure.

Is one better than the other? Not at all. And many people fall in between these two schools of thought.

So, my point ladies, is that with feminism you can express your sexual nature as freely as you wish, or you can be as carful with it as you wish. I find that I exercise both at various times: If a guy seems to be bossing me around, wanting "x" done to him, it usually results in me turning "x" down--i'm not a plaything or your sex-robot. However, feminism usually makes me feel sexy and confident, and that makes it all the more fun. Even better is that, when I do have sex, I know it's because me and my boyfriend are mutually engaging in the "deed" together.

Sex should be fun and uplifting, and I am a huge advocate for sex education playing a big role in this. A major aspect of sex, love and attraction is being educated about these things, and I for one have a serious debt to pay to Planned Parenthood for all the wonderful services and help they provide. I was so happy to learn today that the U.S. Senate voted not to cut federal funding to Planned Parenthood. Ah, sweet victory.

It was at sexyfeminist.com that I found the following video, which I found particularly appropriate with this win in the Senate.



Along those lines, I have got to urge everyone to check out bedsider.org. It is still in it's beta version, but this site is chalk full of not only birth control help/info (text alerts for when to take your next pill? Genius), but it also has "Frisky Fridays"--which I pay homage to in the title of this blog entry. It's a column akin to the feminist version of cosmo how-to's; but, these how-to's teach girls more about how to love themselves in addition to loving another.

So there it is. I have sex. What I've found with feminism is that I not only have sex, I enjoy it far more.

How I Learned to Speak My Mind

The moment it ‘clicked’: when I knew I was a feminist

Seeing as I just finished the book “Click: When We Knew We Were Feminists,” I figured the best way to start this blog would be to write about my own moment when it just… “Clicked.”

I grew up with a lot of strong women in my life. In my family, especially on my mother’s side, women were outspoken, strong, beautiful, passionate, educated, and at times bordered on controlling. They pushed me to do well in school and instilled in me a passion for reading. You may think this would have fostered a strong affinity with feminism, but in fact it did just the opposite as I was growing up.

For much of my life, up until a few years into high school, I didn’t want to live up to all the expectations everyone had for me—I knew I was smart, but kept feeling like being smart meant I would always have to succeed…at everything. So, although I kept doing well in school, my ultimate goal became to fall in love and live happily ever after. I see now that I was trying to take “the easy way out”. I knew that, as a girl growing up in the 90s and now in the 21st century, I had vast opportunities and options. But, I was afraid. I was afraid of not being good enough, and of not being able to compete with the boys and men of the world. Daydreaming was my forte, and in my dreams I did want more…but in reality I simply wanted to get by and fit in with all those girls who just didn’t understand me.

It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I started to question things. I had been going to a Christian youth group with my best friend for the past two years, and during that time we started to notice that girls and boys were not exactly treated as equals. For instance, girls were banned from wearing bikinis during our weekend hotel youth conferences, because the pastors and their wives said we would be tempting the boys and ‘making them think impure thoughts.’ Also, my guy friends were huge hypocrites—they would nag about abstinence to us but then they went ahead and had sex, and if we swore even once they would say it wasn’t “lady like.” My friend and I had the last straw when her older sister decided to get married when she was just 18 years old, claiming it was “what God wanted.” So we began to wonder, what about what we wanted? So what if I swore or wanted to wear a bikini or speak my mind instead of going along with what I was told? That’s when the light bulb went off, and although I didn’t suddenly identify with feminism, that’s when I began owning who I was. I had always been quiet out of fear of not being “feminine” enough if I got angry or spoke my mind…I had wanted boys to pay attention to me and had been more concerned about what others thought of me than of what I thought of myself.

So I became outspoken and I swore when I wanted to. I ditched the innocent look in favor of black clothing with bright accessories. I was a little too sacrilegious for those last two years of high school, and I went a little wild. I began to experience life the way I had always wanted to—with passion and laughter and learning and hope. And you know what? I made friends. I got along with other girls better than I ever had, because I ditched the jealousy in favor of liking myself.

As I grew from this little rebellion against the system, I eventually found my way into an Intro to Women’s and Gender Studies course when I got to college. It taught me those things that you always know in the back of your mind, but you just don’t realize their truth until someone says them out loud.

My feminist identity was solidified when I took Feminist Theory, with an amazing professor and some of the most interesting and intelligent women I’ve ever met. We talked, we shared stories, and I think we all fell in love with the movement.

The thing I love most about feminism is learning to question the way things are, and to never accept being treated differently based on gender (and also based on class, race, creed, or political beliefs). It has taught me stop punishing myself for not being “good enough,” because now I know that I am. With feminism I feel beautiful because of my mind, my compassion, my interests, and my sarcasm.