Undercover Jealousy Monster: Resolve to be happy with yourself this New Year

It has been a while since I've posted. And I can tell you, this black hole of time in my blog space was no accident, despite being unintentional. But, it's a new year. Maybe even the last. So with a new (final) year, you've got to have a wicked sweet resolution. After several weeks of winter break boredom that served to give my mind time enough to mull over the last two months, I have my resolution--and it's a good resolution for all women to adopt.

But before revealing my resolution, a bit of background info:
I'm graduating in May.
I've been attending college in one way or another for six years.
I moved in with my boyfriend.
I have no savings and lots of student loan debt.
I am turning 24.
I don't know what will happen for sure after college.

All of these things have been stressful to the point of causing me to lose the ability to sleep through the night. But, those things alone haven't really been the exact cause of my completely irrational, stupid, cranky moods for the last two months. But I think I figured it out and, as a feminist, having these feelings have definitely kept me far, far away from my poor blog.

First of all, navigating girl world is no easy task. We are taught to be nice, to share, to be optimistic, to make best friends, to have boyfriends and fall in love and get married and push out a few beautiful babies. And that's all great. Those are good things for the most part--not exactly every girls dream, but you get the socially acceptable idea. On top of those things, though, we are taught to be the prettiest, to be the most wanted, to be the most popular and so on an so forth. We are taught to get attention and that it feels good when other girls want to be in our shoes. In other words: We are taught to be jealous bitches.

I can think of no better example in my life of being a jealous bitch than right now. It's awful. I hate it, and I don't want to be all jealous of my friends because they have good things happening to them. But here's the thing: My friends are all getting engaged, are currently pregnant, or have children. My best friend got married. I cried mostly because I was so, so happy for her--but in the back of my mind all I could think was, "when will my life begin?" Way to be a feminist, right? It's so cliche, but it has been drilled into the female mind for centuries that their real, adult life will only begin once they walk down that aisle or birth a small human.
So my best friend got married. And then my roommate became pregnant and just got engaged. And another girl at work got engaged. And so on and so forth. And each time, I felt so angry. So mad that all I've done is go to college and go to college and work at a restaurant for four years. This jealousy has gotten in the way of my friends' happiness, since everyone can read my emotions and i can hide nothing--stupid Pisces. And, its been getting in the way of my own happiness.

I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. Just check out Jenna Marbles' latest video blog about the same subject:



So starting now, I want myself and all women to stop being jealous of eachother simply because society has instilled silly ideas in our heads that happiness lies in marriage and beauty and popularity and children. Our lives are not a competition against one another.

So step one of this new year's resolution (say it with me ladies!): I resolve to value what I have done so far with my life, and look forward to the future. I resolve to be supportive of my friends instead of focusing on how the steps they're taking now haven't happened for me yet. I resolve to acknowledge that jealousy happens, that is an ugly thing, and that I will move on from it and stop comparing myself and my value to other women.

I already feel better, and I hope this post and Jenna Marbles made you all feel better too. Happy New Year!

Gamers and Geeks: Girls enter the boys-only club

It's pretty safe to assume that when most people hear the terms "video gamer" and "geek," they think of boys and men rather than of girls and women. The gaming, comic book, sci-fi and fantasy worlds have all been masculinized and are in many ways exclusionary. This exclusion of women also extends to activities like downloading, pirating and file sharing. I mean, can you really go on a file sharing web site or play a video game without being tantalized by an erotic ad or a sex-pot female character? In my own experience, no.

Many women and girls have been and are active gamers and geeks who like superheroes and Star Wars and dressing up as their favorite Sailor Moon character. But, they remain outsiders in a world where game play and websites objectify and demean females, advertise for porn websites and generally glorify male characters while sexualizing female characters in a way that sends a specific message: this is meant for dudes.

Although the tendency toward violence and aggression is what has often characterized video gaming as something more appropriate for men, women also find the same games fun and engaging, while also enjoying the stories and characters of RPGs. They recognize and celebrate the physical cunning and strength of the female characters they play, and often gain their own sense of strength from playing these characters or creating an avatar.

An issue still facing female gamers is harrassment by male gamers. And though much of the harassment is delivered virtually, during game play, it is still inappropriate. Many female gamers are frustrated and fed up with being asked out on dates during online play, or told they can't be good at video games simply because they are female.

Although women are less represented in terms of the number of lead female characters and of female gaming experts on TV, geeky girls have been pushing their way into the boys-only club in a big way over the past few years.

Thanks to video blogging, web series and social media, female gamers and geeks have been getting their name out there and making valid statements about how technology and sci-fi/fantasy genres are for women, too. Though women are often portrayed as nothing more than sexual objects throughout the gamer and online worlds, these women show that they are more and have just as much valid interest in comic books, superheroes, elves and spellcasters as any man has.

There are several women/groups out there right now who celebrate their love of geekdom and technology, and they are assisting other women in taking a more active role in the gaming community. I especially admire that they are showing girls and women they can still be feminine even if they like Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones, World of Warcraft and Call of Duty. And while at times their sexy costumes may feed into the male gamer fantasy, these women ultimately appear to be in charge of their sexuality and proud of who they are.

Team Unicorn

According to their web site:

Representing the idea that 'like unicorns, geek girls aren’t supposed to exist', Team Unicorn is a multi-media production team formed in Los Angeles, California in 2010. Its members are Michele Boyd, Clare Grant, Milynn Sarley, and Rileah Vanderbilt. The group was first created when the four girls came together to create their debut online video, “G33K & G4M3R Girls” in September 2010. Spoofing Katy Perry’s “California Gurls“, the video is filled with geek cultural references and pays tribute to women who love gaming, manga, sci-fi and many other genre related topics.

My only real beef with Team Unicorn is that they are all model-gorgeous, often edging on that line between sexual and sexualized. Nonetheless, they have a great sense of humor about the films, games and books geek girls love.




Felicia Day and "The Guild"
Felicia Day is, hands down, the coolest female on the planet (except for Tina Fey, of course). You can tell how much she actually loves gaming and role-playing, and her interests and talent led her to create one of the most popular web series out there: "The Guild," which was originally financed by fan donations and is now distributed by Xbox Live and sponsored by Sprint. Check out the first episode, it's awesome!

Felicia Day has also been featured on soon-to-be-cult-classic "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog," and is the lead character in another web series: "Dragon Age: Redemption."





Feminist Frequency

There are a couple fantastic videos by Anita Sarkeesian about female gamers/geeks. She has her own web site, and is actually writing her thesis about strong women in science fiction and fantasy television. Her site is fantastic for information about anything dealing with feminism and pop culture.



Geek Girl Con

Yes, this year--earlier this month, to be exact--the first Geek Girl Con took place in Seattle. They have a fantastic facts page about the event and why they put it on. Anita Sarkeesian was one of many female panelists/speakers featured at the event.


There are many other people, sites and groups out there supporting the female gamer/geek community. These are just a few I happen to like and relate to.