Saturday, May 21, 2011

Aussie boys vs. Aussie girls: Sexism Down Under

It's day three of my Australian adventure, and I am finally realizing that this is real and not just some trip over the rainbow cooked up in my dreams. There are so many amazing things about Australia, but I have already noticed a lot of the sexism that occurs here. One small thing I saw was a candy bar wrapper that stated "it's NOT for girls!" (you know i'm going to be buying that, right? Oh hell yeah i'm buying that...not for girls...pfft).

Women are certainly held to high standard of femininity here, much like in the U.S., but the men are also more "feminine" in appearance than would be considered appropriate by U.S. standards. They are very high fashion here in Sydney, and in meeting a few aussie boys they were quite vocal about how they think American men particularly are poor dressers.

The most alarming and bracing part of today's adventure was definitely talking to those australian boys some of us met here at the hostel. Many of the people we've met so far have been so nice, but these boys were loud and, well, quite vulgar. I'm sure not all the men here are like this, but these guys were throwing out the word "cunt" left and right. I had heard this is common in the OZ, but you can't honestly brace yourself for just how quickly you feel offended by this. I know that here it's more of a common curse word to use (by both men and women), but dear lord it is just so blatantly a product of the sexism here. The girls and I were NOT amused. Let's hope we don't have many more encounters like this...

On another note, a happier note, I got to meet two amazing Australian female surfers today! Some of the girls and I were lucky enough to have been walking down to the Opera house for breakfast today when we were stopped by a Public Relations Rep. for Vegemite. She gave us raffle tickets and directed us to the "Toast of a Nation" Van nearby, where we could sample Vegemite for the first time. We got our toast, got out of line, and just as we were about to take the bite a news anchor and camera man came over to our group and did a spot with all of us in it, filming each of us as we took our first bite. It was salty, but not bad. Afterwards, we were urged to go to the cinema nextdoor to watch the premiere of Vegemite's new ad campaign (I promise i'm getting to the point).

The new ads featured everyday Aussie's doing amazing (and sometimes just amusing) things. Among the people featured were two female surfers,Fran & Clare, just about to launch their own film production company called Just 'Cause. They talked about wanting to change the pecking order of the surfing world and promoting the girl power of female surfers everywhere. They were so intelligent, driven, and truly passionate...which was so wonderfully refreshing to see after all the sexism and ultra-femininity running around here. After the screening, we found out they were there, and we each got a photo taken with them! I just love all of the amazing women there are out there, and I promise to post that pic once I get home.

Next time, I'll be talking about building new friendships here on the trip. All I can say for now is, I am so delighted by how people and other women constantly surprise me. I am so happy to be getting to know everyone.

Until next time,
Cheers!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Girl in the Land of OZ

G'day my faithful sheilas (and blokes). As you may have just guessed, OZ is slang for Australia, which I will be shipping off to in less than 24 hours! So, as a quick update, I figured I'd let all of you know that my next few entries will be centered around this trip. I'll be sure to keep an eye out for how men and women are treated differently in Australia and will also try to see if us Americans get treated any particular way.

According to my professor Viki, who is taking us on this trip, it is frowned upon for women to drink beer in Australia. I happen to love beer, so we'll see if that's true or not...

Thank you all for reading! I will post as soon as I can :)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Not Yet a Mother, but Already an Aunt


I have two nephews. I will also have a niece (unless surprised otherwise) by the end of the summer. When I became an aunt for the first time almost 10 years ago I felt so happy and lucky and proud to be a part of a child's life. Now, even though I have no kids of my own, I play an important role in the lives of what will soon be three amazing children.

Being an aunt has changed me. Those long nights of babysitting my nephews when they were 5 and 7 have given me a real perspective on what it's like to have kids. I've gotten to experience all of the absolute joy that comes from reading them a bedtime story. I've also gotten to experience what it's like to have to unplug a TV from the wall to get them to go to bed and stop turning it on (although, obviously, they knew how to re-plug the darn thing in). I've gotten so many hugs and smiles, but also a fair amount of the cries of "I hate you, Auntie Erika!!" when it's time to go to bed. As an aunt, I also get to be the "cool" role model in their lives. I got to be the first person who had them watch Star Wars (they loved it), and I'm the one they want to have help them play a video game--although, over the past few years, it's become more likely that they'd be helping me.

I have been putting a fair amount of stock in my status as a "cool aunt" over the years, but I never noticed how little appreciation us aunts get from society--until now. Once again, the wonderful NPR brought a new book to my attention.

The book is "Savvy Auntie: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts, Great-Aunts, Godmothers, And All Women Who Love Kids." In this book, author Melanie Notkin brings attention to the lifestyle of women who “don’t have children, but still love them.”


In the book, Notkin pays tribute to all the women of the world who can call themselves a "PANK": Professional Aunt, No Kids. This can mean that the woman is currently holding off on having kids of her own, or it can mean she never wants her own kid; but, just because a woman doesn't have kids, doesn't mean she can't love the bejeesus out of them at the same time. Whether it be biological nieces and nephews, or acting as an aunt to your best friend's kids, PANKs play an important role in children's lives.

After reading the excerpt from the book, I had one of those lightbulb moments. I realized that Notkin is making a very bold and important statement: that even without having kids of her own, a woman can still be motherly and love children--those women are the "cool aunts" or "savvy aunties," as Notkin would say, of the world.

As one such "cool aunt," I have nephews but I also have a lot of friends who just recently had children. I know I'm not ready for that phase in my own life, but I just love kids. So, I make an active effort to make sure all of those women in my life who are mothers know that they have my support. I want them to feel proud that they are moms, and by doing that I'm very proud of whatever small role I can play.

Although I'm not part of the Mom Club, I can relate to mothers because I've been an aunt. Even though I get to take breaks from the screaming fits and the constant play time, it doesn't mean I don't have to fill out some mom-like shoes sometimes. Like Notkin told NPR, being an aunt is about balancing between being the fun role-model and being a disciplinarian. Us aunts help to make sure the kids follow mom & dad's rules (and help them break said rules every once in a while...when appropriate), and we also are going to act as teachers to them throughout their lives.

I know I'm definitely picking this book up next time I'm at the bookstore, and I'll be sure to give a full review. Until then, take a look at the site created by Notkin for proud PANKS everywhere, savvyauntie.com.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Undesirable Myth No. 1

Last night I, my boyfriend, and one of his friends caught up on episodes 2 & 3 of HBO's new series, "Game of Thrones." For those who don't know much about it, the show is based on the book series "A Song of Fire and Ice," by George R.R. Martin, and is set in a mythical world of Kings and Queens. The characters engage in a battle for the Iron Throne and are learned in the ways of war, intrigue, incest, backstabbing and scheming. It's similar to Lord of the Rings in that it's a fantasy, but it is quite a bit less light-hearted and portrays some rather harsh realities lived out by the many characters.

One of the hard-to-watch aspects of the show is how some of the women are treated. As we were watching episode 2, Princess Daenerys, who had recently been married to a brutish warrior-leader, was obviously being raped by this new husband of hers. They definitely made this clear in the scene--she was crying and clearly didn't want what was happening to her--and I commented on how her husband was obviously raping her.

And then I heard it, Undesirable Myth No. 1: "You can't rape your wife."

It was said by my boyfriend's friend. Of course, this launched me into a thoughtful and measured rebuttle of said myth.

First of all, you can most certainly rape your wife. Just because two people are married does not mean the woman consents to having sex with her husband whenever he wants. Obviously, if she is crying and saying "no," that constitutes rape. Up until the 1970s, marital rape was not considered a criminal act and many men actually did believe "you can't rape your wife." I suppose the logic is something like this: She consented to marrying me, therefore she consented to everything that entails at all times. Fortunately, marital/spousal rape has now been criminalized, largely because rape within marriage is a form of physical abuse which accompanies other abuses. The unfortunate part is that, from his comment, I realized this myth is still floating around.

However, it got me thinking about the feminist aspects of the show. Several issues relating to women or to gender roles are portrayed in the series, and all of these have thus far opened up conversation between my boyfriend and I (or whoever else we watch it with).
In the scenes where a woman is being touched in a sexually unwanted way, her pain and emotion is made quite clear. There is no romanticizing it. Also, the women of the series have quite powerful and important roles--even despite abuse or hardship they are already rising above and show just as much cunning as the men (usually more).

One of the most interesting gender aspects of the show lies with the character Tyrion Lannister, who happens to have the condition of dwarfism. But, as the character bio cleverly states, "What Tyrion lacks in height he makes up in wit." Tyrion is a character who never lets his "disability" hinder him, and he also doesn't over-compensate by being overly macho--he's so interesting to watch. So confident, but never in a fake way. I think that makes him a fantastic male role-model.

Also, there are moments that depict a young man openly worried about his younger brother, and despite the violence in the show (which is actually not as much as I thought) it also shows a comparable number of scenes where men are shown displaying emotions--worry, hurt, familial love (no, i'm not talking about the incest) and regret.


But, the thing that most makes me love this show is the character Arya Stark. She is the youngest daughter of Lord Ned and Lady Catelyn, and she is one fierce, tough girl. She is regularly shown ditching "feminine" activities to upstage the boys, whether it be in archery or fencing. At the end of the third episode, Arya is shown learning from a master how to properly fence, and she actually beats up the young prince at one point.


Although the show can be sexually graphic at times, I consider it a good thing that it tackles some difficult topics like marital rape and unwanted pregancy, as well as disability and how that affects men, or what it's like for little girls wanting to be warriors like the little boys.

To find out more about "Game of Thrones" and the cast of characters, visit HBO.com

Monday, May 2, 2011

Osama bin Laden is Dead: Oh Happy Day?

"Perhaps, when we remember wars, we should take off our clothes and paint ourselves blue and go on all fours all day long and grunt like pigs. That would surely be more appropriate than noble oratory and shows of flags and well-oiled guns."-Kurt Vonnegut

May 1, President Obama addressed the nation to announce that Osama bin Laden had finally been killed by U.S. troops in Pakistan during a covert operation. The address was televised at 10:30 p.m. CST, but many found out more than an hour beforehand. I learned of bin Laden's death on Facebook, like so many others who found out via Facebook, Twitter or text message. From 9:36 p.m. (the exact time I learned the news), to the time of Obama's address, an explosion of status updates praising bin Laden's death were posted.

When I found out last night my reaction was less than celebratory. I suppose I was relieved he had finally been killed, but will it really change anything? Did the threat of terrorism die with him? Certainly not. I think the reason my heart kind of sank when I heard the news was because, ultimately, I know that taking his life in no way stops the taking of more lives.

I am a feminist who does not believe war can be beneficial to society. I also do not believe in torture or capital punishment. So when people are actually out celebrating someone's death--no matter how terrible a person they might have been--it just feels wrong. Instead of celebrating this should be a time when we show the world that taking life has weight with all of us, and that we do not see death as victory, but rather we see the passing of an enemy as an opportunity to look into ways of making peace in the world.

I have to say (and this doesn't happen often), that I really admire the statement put out today by the Roman Catholic Church. It stated: "Faced with the death of a man, a Christian never rejoices, but reflects on the serious responsibility of everyone before God and man, and hopes and pledges that every event is not an opportunity for a further growth of hatred, but of peace."

What I always remind myself of when the media is talking about terrorists or other "enemies" is that they are people. They are human beings who, along the way, had certain experiences that left them with a very different belief system than mine and a very different perspective of the world. This lead them down a path which I and my society view as dangerous and wrong. But, if I were to have lead their life, would it seem so wrong to me? I know that seems pretty ridiculous to most people, but people have so many vast and varied experiences living in this world that some end up as the "enemies". To them, their life is valuable, and for that reason I see no reason to raise our flags or fists in celebration of another life lost.

NPR also seems to have been thinking the same thing as me these past 24 hours. To check out their article, go to npr.org